Listen to the soundtrack while reading this poem.

“Will He” by Joji

Audio via YouTube

All rights belong to the original artist.

A Gentle War

2024.

Fires, storms— 
all of these
raging in my head…

Is this how it supposed to feel like?
Stillness couldn’t find my hands…
Undefeated chaos in my mind…
Heart beats like defeat.
My own breath haunts me.

I paused for a second—

While you were holding my hands,
I felt your shadow slowly leaving
my ground...
Holding broken pieces of me,
so all that was left— 

were a few pieces of me...
Battling on my own field.
I thought you were with me.

Image from pinterest. / All rights belong to the original owner.

You said you were always there,

to hold me,
my hands,
to wipe my tears,
to be my peace,
or simply put me at ease...

But I found myself screaming,
Silently... 

All I felt was your ice-cold touch. 
It burns my skin…
Your warm words sting, 
like thorns sunk deep, 
as I touched these beautiful roses.

They were meant to be held carefully—
Your words meant to be heard carefully—
made to make me feel good.
But all I heard 
were empty lines and misery. 

Your hands wiped my tears,
but all they did 
was make my eyes bleed…

I never knew you were my battle,
until I lost on my own field.

My own sword cut my skin—

And it was your shadow holding it.